Monday, May 23, 2011

Embellishment Story

This is a made up story that I wrote in class. Some of it is true and some of it is embellished. We were practicing writing with embellishment in writing time.
It was in the holidays when I went to my grandpas house and spent only one day, but it was still cool. I had lots of fun playing with my cousin and my little sister, we enjoyed playing hide and seek. I tried spending the whole day playing with my cousin and sister because I was going back home and I wanted to going to Tamaki college with my brother. I was sad to leave my grandpas house and excited at the same time to go to Tamaki college. When I was going my cousin and my sister said “PLEASE don’t go” and my cousin gave me the puppy eyes. I was going to stay but at the same time I wanted to go. So I chose to go to Tamaki college. My sister didn’t really mean what she said when she said “please don’t go.”
When it came to the day for me and my brother to go to Tamaki college I was so excited to go but I miss getting lots of food and playing the games that we played at Grandpas. When we got to Tamaki college I went straight in the hall to get warmer, but when I went in the hall it was locked so I had to stay out side. It was so cold that I went back in the car and stayed until the hall was open. When the hall was open I ran straight in and ask the man who was looking after the hall “can I please have a ball?” he said “you have nice manners” and I just walked away.
When I went in the hall it was so cold that I played basket ball with my cousin’s and friends so that I could get warmer. When we started playing I was so angry at my cousin because he made me fall and make a bump on my head. I said “ look what you did” he said “oh sorry, I don't care”, but then she said sorry to me after a while.
I had so much fun playing basket ball with my friends and cousins. When we started all the kids were so excited because D.J Forbes was coming to the program for the first and last time. That was my last time too because I didn’t want to go any more because I wanted to go to my grandpas house.
When D.J Forbes came I was so excited that I ran outside and came back inside, he said “are you all right?” I screamed and he said “its all right stop screaming or I might go back home ” that's when I stopped screaming because I didn’t want to let him go. He’s my favourite rugby player in the All Blacks, I couldn’t stop screaming so then he said to me “if you stop screaming you can sleep over my house,” now that made me scream even more. I think he was getting so angry at me so then I stopped screaming. He told me “pick a friend or your cousin to come, I was so excited that I picked my cousin. When I went back to play my uncle blew the whistle I said “oh man.” He called us in so that D.J Forbes could play a game, it was called Drop, Run, Stop.
It was home time and I went with my cousin to D.J Forbes house and played with his friends and slept over his house.


  1. I really enjoyed reading this story Julia. I have no idea which bits were embellished, but it was a good yarn. Well done.

  2. hi it me joshua at st pius x school at room 4 you have a long long LONG story by joshua uiha


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